My Mom’s heart aches..

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She isn’t sleeping much right now. I spent the night hours beside her watching and listening, dozing a little bit not much. She prays. Sometimes she cries tiny tears that roll down her face never stopping them but letting them run their course. The tears don’t last long. I’m not sure for who but I know her well enough after eleven years it’s probably for other people and their needs. After the tears she is stronger every time. As a dog we don’t get many watery eyes. I believe God knew we wouldn’t need them. This morning we watched a movi before the sun. She doesn’t watch it often. Today she quietly told me it’s called 13 Hours The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. I think she watches it so she doesn’t forget how others sacrifice themselves. I watched it too because that movie has a lot of feelings that come out. Most TV doesn’t. My mom wasn’t a soldier in some land not home but she’s seen a lot of people die I can just tell. I’m pretty sure she remembers many of them from her days saving them, but it’s never talked about. I feel it in her spirit. Dogs feel everything. Most people don’t know that. Our days are wrapped around feelings. This early morning her emotions seem like anger and regret for loss of life’s force. But there was pride too and strength, some feeling of connection to conquering things she knows personally. This morning I felt her longing, not sure for what.  Mom has taken care of other people (and dogs) for over thirty six years. She called a nurse. I’m not sure what that is but it must be hard charging, challenging and filled with emotion and action. Most days she is so happy and strong that I’m amazed. I soak it up, the strong powerful energy. I stay by her always. As a dog we admire and respect that I’m out person. It makes us confident! We draw strength from each other. We don’t have to talk with words because I can’t, but I hear her. She calls me “big girl” special just for me. The sun is up now and she’s ready for whatever comes today… This I know.

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